Dear Feyma, I saw your website recommended by my friend. I am writing to you maybe some Filipina went through what my sister gotten into her married life. She’s married to an American. When they were writing, the guy he is nice and getting along with my family. I am married to a guy from Europe. I am lucky to have married him. He is really a nice man. My sister on the other hand was just so unlucky in love.
Anyway, they were married in the Philippines. My family came from the Northern part of the Philippines. My family thought everything was okay with them. It looks that way anyway. My sister got her papers process after the wedding. Over a year after the wedding, she went to the States. My sister said the marriage was okay in the beginning. Few years after living together, she can see signs already of the husbands bad behavior. At first my sister stayed in the house, since they had no children yet, the husband said it was okay for my sister to go get a job. So my sister was happy since not much to do at their house. She works as a waitress in a small restaurant. I think after months of working, my brother-in-law didn’t like it that my sister was out of the house. So it didn’t take long my sister quit her job and stayed home again. Well, my brother-in-law when they had arguments starts hurting my sister. It really shocked my sister because she never thought he’s that type of a man. But he did. My sister just let go the first physical fight. But later on he started doing it more often, my sister finally said that enough is enough and move out and stayed with my cousin on the other State.
Feyma Bayoy Martin He tries to ask for forgiveness, but my sister, she’s not yet ready to be with him again. My family was not happy with the outcome with the marriage of my sister, but my parents supports my sister a hundred percent and they don’t want also my sister to be the punching bag of my brother-in-law. I know that there’s 2 sides to the story. But my sister has evidence that she’s been abuse and she sent it to my parents. So I don’t want to start a debate here. I just want to share with you what my sister been through. The husband had no power to have my sister deported since she’s already a resident of America. We thank god for that. Maraming salamat Feyma for reading my email. Hanggang sa uulitin. Hannah.
Thank you so much for writing. I’ve heard to many stories similar to what your sister been through. But not just Filipina to foreigner kinda marriage. It’s really a universal problem. Abusive people makes excuses to abuse somebody and blame the victims for their behavior. Like your sister, I bet you she’s the one blamed by your brother-in-law of his bad behavior. You know It’s been going on also with some members of my family and other people that I know. We really tried to help out the one in our family, we want her to leave her husband but unfortunately it never happened her leaving him. He left the wife for a year or so, and we the family were so happy, but he came back and beg for forgiveness and the wife give in. Same cycle again. We just give up and leave them alone. It’s been going on for so long that we just shrug it off. Nothing we can do about it anymore. Very frustrating.
I really hope Hannah that your sister will be safe and she will really decide what’s really best for her. You and your family can’t decide about that. Praying for peace of mind for her. Good luck to you and your family especially to your sister. God bless!