I am writing and asking you guys that live in a house with multi-culture environment, are both partners willing to give and take or learn from each other? I am going to give more about Bob and I as an example. When Bob and I were writing to each other, before we were married, I was so shy and naive. Hey I was young, a few months shy of graduating college. I was brought up with conservative parents in a more old fashion way. Bob, on the other hand was brought up conservative way but was brought up that he can and will say what he thinks. In short not shy at all.
Well anyway, after few months after we were married I went to the States. Being there changed everything. Bob showed and taught me how to live the life there. It didn’t take long for me to learn his side of the culture. I mean not all, I’m still learning more and more everyday even now. When I went to the States I don’t know how to cook. Being the youngest of 10 siblings (7 are alive right now) and with so many cousins and with my aunt that spoiled me. They did almost all the cooking. So I don’t really know how to cook Filipino dishes. I don’t think it’s laziness because I really like to help out in the kitchen before. I think it was just too many kids in the kitchen and it just a bother to the older one that’s cooking.
Martin Family – Thanksgiving 2014
So living with Bob in the US, he did most of the cooking I mean 80% I think. I am just a good helper, I will helped out on the cleaning afterwards. Then whenever my mother-in-law cooks for the special occasions, same thing I will help a little on the cooking but helped out most on the cleaning afterwards. I could not even cook macaroni and cheese in the US even if the instruction were in the box. I know it’s kind of pathetic don’t you think? But that’s just the way it was for us. Bob really had patience on that. Hats off to him on that. He even cooked Filipino dishes there. Bob was also learning and still learning more of my culture. Same with me I did learned the American culture and knowing his family and still doing it.
But when moving here it changes everything then. Watching Bob sweat to high heaven when cooking, I was thinking I had to do something. I felt sorry watching him sweat so much. So I really learned and studied on how to cook American dishes that he is used to when we were in the States. Guess what? I learned and cooked until now. Now Bob and the kids are kind of spoiled though. They will tell me and my niece what they like and we usually cook it for them. Jean is good now in cooking foreign dishes too. Really all of us are learning. Living back here for a long time now taught Bob more of the Filipino culture. He learned how to speak the local language. It shows that he really tried his best to fit in here. I’m really so proud of him for that.
Anyway, I think being married no matter if its the same race you had to adjust with the other person in your life. How much more if two cultures blend into one. With two culture you have to work double hard, or more. Are you willing to adjust and compromise with the other person in your life? With Bob and I, no questions asked. We did and we did compromise and are still doing it until the end. With us, lots of things we both decide, minor stuff one of us will decide. We’re almost on our 25th year of marriage and let me tell you it’s not an easy ride. Rough rides along the way. Good and bad through the years. But we talk, we understand and we compromise. Love and trust should be there always.
Really all married people or lovers or boyfriend/girlfriend, both partners should really learn from each other. It’s not just one partner will do all the adjusting and the understanding. It should go both ways. I can say more but I would like to hear from you guys. Feel free to share your thoughts.
Have a good Holiday Season!