Hi Readers,

I got a note the other day from another LiP reader  Although she has been living abroad for some time, she had questions regarding some of her nieces who are still living in the Philippines.  It seems like her life in a different culture has sort of “broadened her horizon,” she fears that her nieces are not open to such experiences in their own lives, and because of that, she is wondering what she should do.

See what you think by reading her note to me, below:

Dear Feyma, Kumusta? I am writing you asking some opinion from you.

I am a Filipina living here in Canada. Married for over 20 years now. I would say that I am happy with my life here in Canada with the man I love. Been going home to the Philippines when I have time and money. I have grown up kids now also.

I am thinking of going back there to the Philippines to live part time, when its winter time here.

I have some nieces there in the Philippines. Few of them are still single. I asked them during one of my visits if they will be interested to marry a foreigner. Shocking to know that few of them would not consider marrying a foreigner. They said that they just don’t think that they can adjust with the other culture that well. They said it is hard to adjust living with the person with the same culture how much more with the other culture. They said it is no way they can adopt to it.

Now how would I convince them that living with different culture is not that bad as what they think? They know that I am successful with my married life. They know  in every married life also is not perfect, I am one of them. We have our shares of marital problems. But not to the extent that we are hurting each other physically or emotionally.

Anyway, I was just wanting to ask you and write to you about this.  Not really a problem for me what my nieces want and do in their lives. I am just interested on what you think so that I would know how to answer them that it’s not too convincing or not too against our own culture too. Believed me I am really also a believer of our culture. I am not who I am today if not for my parents who molds me with our Filipino culture.

I said too much. Thank you for reading my email. Keep up the good work. You and your husband really loved the Philippines. I hope we settle there soon. I am hoping to see you and your family. Thank you! Lydia

What are my nieces thinking?

To you Lydia,

Thank you so much for writing. I really appreciate your email to me. Really with regards to your nieces, it is not really a big of a deal. If they think its not for them to be married to a foreigner then you can’t really force them. Maybe in time they will really realize that no matter who they are married to they have to adjust big time. I am not going to deny that marrying someone from different culture needs more adjustment. But really learning each others cultures are more fun though. Just like learning how to deal with the accent. Just one example, the way we Filipinos pronounce the words, our hubby thinks its so cute and sexy. And the way round.

Also its more fun teaching each other the superstitious and beliefs of every culture. My gosh, when I was telling Bob before all the beliefs we have in our culture. He had to scratch his head and just said wow. You know that we have gazillions beliefs here in the Philippines and it also all depends on what province you are from. And telling those beliefs to my kids, ha ha ha, its another story to tell. They were laughing hard to some of them.

Really your nieces will learn more now. They can go on-line and search what they are afraid of though. With the net everything is more open. Now they can just observe the person when they are chatting live on the net. Unlike us before that we have to rely on the mail for our questions to be answered. Remember  its post office mail, it takes forever to get to us.  Just don’t worry about your nieces, if it’s not meant for them to be married to a foreigner then it will not happen. If they want to be married to Filipinos its okay too. That might be good for them, so that no regrets when time of problems later.

Just enjoy your visit with your family.

Hope to see you here in Davao too when you retire. Good luck to your plan on that.

Feyma

To our LIP Readers: I am also asking you guys if you encounter similar situation with Lydia and her nieces. Feel free to share here with us. I will really appreciate any stories or inputs you might have. Thank you again you guys in advance.

Mabuhay!

I wrote an article two weeks ago about these kids that came to our house. They live not too far from us. They just came by our house to asked to see if they could get some empty bottles from our garbage can. But my kids can’t resist on giving them food. My kids can tell that these kids have not eaten their breakfast yet. So they let them in and let them eat.

My kids and Arnie and Irish have been friends ever since. We kind of liked those girls too. They are well behave even with the life they have. I’m sure they were really having a hard time going around the neighborhood with empty stomachs. My kids invited them to come to the house everyday, that’s before the school started. But when the school started they’ve  been coming here during weekends. My kids still continue on gathering all our empty bottles here at our house for them. Whenever they come here to our house Bob and I also spend time with them outside on our porch talking. Mostly after lunch. That’s also almost always the time that the ice cream man passes by our neighborhood. Not always we would buy ice cream. But with the girls at our house we gotta have that ice cream guy stop at our house. If you could see the faces of those girls when seeing the ice cream guy at our driveway “its totally priceless.” They really could not stop smiling. Even the ever reserved Arnie starts to talk and smiling.

Article continues below pictures.  Click on the picture to see a larger view.

Last weekend the girls swung by at the house. We were with them at the porch. Bob was asking them if they had breakfast already. The little one said no and Arnie said yes. We knew that they did not have breakfast yet. We noticed that something was wrong with Arnie. My niece Bebe asked her what’s bothering her because she seems so quiet and not at ease. Bob was also asking her if there is something wrong, she said no, but I told Bob somethings off with her. Since our people were still preparing our breakfast, Bob told Jared to get some crackers and drink and to gave to them. Irish really did attack the crackers. While Arnie was just playing with it and just not in the mood to eat. Bob then asked Arnie what’s wrong? You are not hungry? Irish might eat that crackers of yours. She then gave a smile and said sje really had a bad toothache. Just then we realized that’s why shes quiet. I asked her when that toothache started, she said since yesterday. We all look in pain too for her. Bob asked if she could take some medication? You know the bigger kind, if she gag or something. She said she can take medication with no problem. Bob then asked me to called up our dentist that we know, and asked  if it’s okay for Arnie to take the medication that we knew for toothache. When I called the dentist up, I told her whats going on. She said to bring the kids there and she will fix their teeth for free. I said then I will get a hold of the parents first before giving her medication or bringing her to the dentist. She said okay then and just let her know when we bring the kids to her office.

We sent my niece Glenda to the parents house to get a hold of the father of those kids so that we could get some consent from him for the kids to be brought to the dentist and the kids taking some tooth medication.  Glenda went to the house of those kids and found out the dad was not home. He was going around somewhere gathering empty bottles too. The kids are not sure where. Arnie told us that she knows where her mother works and she could guide us to go there. That’s what we did. We did find the mom and we let her sign some papers stating that she allowed us to take the kids to the dentist and that the kids can take some tooth medication.

It was really nice of Dr. Lourdes to attend to the kids. As soon as she saw the kids at her office she immediately took care of them. The teeth of Arnie were really in bad shape. Because of the infection, Dr. Lourdes said that she will gave some medication first for the infection and Arnie will just come back in a few days for the extraction. while she took care for Irish’ teeth with filling. Irish teeth were not as bad at Arnie. Dr. Lourdes also gave some money for the girls for ice cream and their money for school (baon). Yesterday, we brought the girls back at Dr. Lourdes office. She took care of Arnie’s extraction and cleaned the teeth of Irish. We could tell that Arnie’s feeling better. She was really enjoyed playing at the house yesterday with our kids. My niece Bebe took care of cutting the hair of the girls and cleaning them. With the consent of the mother of course.

To you Dr. Lourdes, I can’t thank you enough. I am so grateful to you. You also had a big heart for the less fortunate people. Bless your heart. I’m pretty sure Arnie and Irish were so thankful that you gave them their happiness again. They are not  going to be in pain for a long time. Thanks to you.

A few LiP readers unexpectedly sent some money to help the girls after my last article. Thank you so much for your help. We really appreciated so much, and you can bet that Arnie and Irish do too!

Not really fun to be going to the mall at this time. Too many people shopping for school supplies. You will be there for the long haul. Some people from the province come here to buy the school supplies. Can’t blame them,with the economy right now, people are really hunting for a bargain.  I think if big families, better to be buying in the city to get the cheaper prices, especially if you shop at the bargain place like in Uyanguren here in Davao, it’s like the Divisoria in Manila.  You’ll find good price in those areas. Uyanguren also has an NCCC shopping center which famous for the shopping place for the sari-sari store owners. They also have good price/bargains there. Only downside – too many people. It will take you forever to get out from the counter.

Getting Ready for Registration

I do my shopping at the NCCC mall here in Matina, it’s just  walking distance from our house.  Much easier for me to shop there. Don’t have to fight the traffic. With our 5 kids in the house that need lots of school supplies. They also had good bargains there and they pretty much have all the kids school requirements and the uniforms. Shopping for 4 kids and my niece was really something else, let me tell you. My eyeballs almost popped-out with too many supplies to chose from and with so many people there shopping, it’s really exhausting. I bought school supplies after enrollment. Got to have the requirement list first from the school before buying, which they had a longer list. After paying for the school and the school supplies, wow my wallet was really damaged though. lol.

Me and Aaron

I think my kids they are not yet ready to be back to school, though. They still are in the vacation mode. But some have to get back now, school is starting. Well 2 of our kids in the house were back to school now. Two will be back next week and one college after that week. It’s going to be busy again here in the house every morning. As you know kids start school early morning here and end later in the day. Last year our youngest in the house starts her day in school like 6:30am for flag ceremony (so she had to leave the house by 6am to not be late) and she comes home like 5:30pm. She was so exhausted by the end of the day. We could tell that she’s not happy there. She’s now transferred to a different school. So far, so good for her.

We are excited for our 2 graduating  students right now (Aaron and Jean), both will be senior students this year. We were talking to both of them last night and told them to enjoy their last year in high school. I could tell they are both excited about being senior students this year. Jean is most excited too because they will have air-conditioning in their classroom now. Wow, it’s about time for them to have it. We are so proud of them, they’re both good kids. Jared is going to be 6th grade this year. Here in the Philippines, he should be graduating from grade school year. But with the 7th and 8th grade that they are adding, we are not sure if he is graduating this year. Will see what happen then. I don’t think all the schools have the curriculum and the facilities for the adding grade yet. I hope they are not making the kids have class under the tree though. It’s going to be uncomfortable for the kids.

Starting school here which means starting to be so traffic too in the city during morning and late afternoon. Kids have to be early then in getting up and getting ready for school, it’s going to be a challenge to wake up the kids in the morning. I’m not looking forward to it. Big sigh…

It’s more fun to live in the Philippines!!!!

Last week I was running some errands with my niece Glenda and my son Chris. We were gone for quite awhile. When the place we went to didn’t have the stuff we wanted we then head home.

As soon as we opened the gate I could see my kids and my other niece and our helpers were so busy talking. I can’t see what they were doing and busy about, so after opening the gate we went to the area where all of them were standing.

As soon as Jared and Jean saw me they immediately told me “Oh mom, here’s 2 young kids that are so hungry and no food in their house. We gave them something to eat and drink”.

Irish and Arnie

I was shocked that two little ones were walking on the streets without parents supervision or somebody. I then asked the older girl how old are they? She told me her name is Arnie and that she’s 9 years old (which looking at her size, she looks like a 5 year old girl to me). She continued on saying that her younger sister, her name is Irish and she’s 6 years old (which looks like 3 years old).

The older one is not too shy but more reserved. The younger one, she’s more giggly and friendly and not shy with the camera. They were going around our neighborhood to get some empty Coke bottles and other stuff that they can make money with. So my kids and niece told them that we they will be gathering our empty bottles and other stuff that we are not using to give it to them. They were ecstatic and so thankful.

Irish is really posing for the picture!

The older girl Arnie came by again at our house yesterday to pick up the empty bottles. So I got a chance to talk to her. I asked her where is her mom? She answered that her mom was out doing laundry with other people and was paid (not enough really to support the family). Her dad she said was just at the house watching the house. It really puzzled me that the dad just stays home and not looking for a job for him to feed his family. I was just quiet and really feeling sorry for the kids.  I asked her if she goes to school and did she already had some school supplies? She said yes, she’s going to school but they did not buy their school supplies yet. I asked her if she is saving the money that she will be making from the bottles for her school stuff? She said no, we are giving the money from the sale of the empty bottles to our mom to buy rice.

I hope they have a better life

Gosh, my heart just goes out to these girls. What can I say. My kids are gathering the extra school supplies that they have from last year and we have extra too when we went shopping a few days ago. Nicole had some stuff that she’s not using and fits perfect for Arnie. So at least they have some stuff.

Our yard guy brought some bananas for us. He brought a lot. So we gave some to Arnie for her and family to have for snacks. She had bottles and some other stuff on the bags that she’s carrying. We let her eat something first before sending her home. I even offered to pay for her fare but she declined. She said she will just walk home. We were really watching her, and I could tell my kids really like Arnie. I was telling Arnie to really try to study hard and work hard because that’s the only thing she will have to improve her life. I know lots of kids that live the same life as Arnie and Irish have live.

Really knowing the two kids now,  I’m hoping that someday they will have a better life. Praying for them for that.

A few days ago, we found out that our friend’s son died. His name is Jerard, he’s almost 5 years old. Ever since he was born he already had a problem. He had a twin brother who was born normal. My family and I first met Jerard and family of one of Bebe’s (Bob’s language teacher) kids birthday. I think Jerard was like a year old at that time. When we saw him, we could tell he really had problems. After talking to the parents, we found out that Jerard was blind and he also had hearing problems. We didn’t really ask to many questions because Jerard was fussy and needed to rest. We saw Jerard a few times after that.

Jerard was adopted by our friend. They are missionaries. We knew them of course from Bebe. They adopted the twins knowing that one of them had problems. They adopted Jerard and his brother when they were almost 2 months old. Jerard was born with a big head, I don’t know what his sickness called. The parents told us, but I forgot the medical term. I think as soon as he could  handle the surgery they had him undergo for the surgery to get rid of the fluids out from his head. I think he had a few surgeries over his life time. When we first saw him his head was still a bit bigger than normal. But the last time we saw him a few months ago his head was already in normal size. I just know that Jerard was sickly and he was in and out of the hospital through the mom’s post on her wall on Facebook. When she stopped posting I thought he was getting better. But we found out when we saw them at the wake that after going in and out in the hospital his health was deteriorating. They already knew that anytime he will be taken.

Seeing a childs casket is so sad

I really respect the parents that adopted him. You know they went through so much with Jerard. But they fully accepted it and showered so much love and support for him. The couple had 3 kids of their own. The ages ranges closely with my kids. The kids really loved the twin kids too. The youngest of the 3 really had a hard time. Seeing him at the funeral parlor crying a lot really is a heart breaking. He always goes to the casket, not sure if talking to Jerard or just really watching him. Bebe was helping them on how the Filipino way of dealing with the death in the family. They want to integrate the Filipino and American cultures. As you know in the Philippines the dead has to have somebody watching 24 hours (I mean no sleeping during wake). So a lot of the Filipino/American friends was there to help out. They had food there at the wake too. People were playing games there but not betting money. Just playing  for fun to avoid boredom and sleepiness.

I think if Jerard was not adopted by the couple and just stayed with the parents, I think Jerard was already gone a long time ago. I am not saying bad about the couple but they can’t afford to handle the expenses of a sickly kid and also expenses with taking care of the other kids. I found out that the mom of Jerard was sickly too. I think she passed on a long time a few years ago. I think they tried but just can’t handle the expenses of all the kids they had.

Our friends already almost got done with the adoption process. Hopefully the other one will officially be theirs soon. The twin brother is really a funny and giggly kid. He likes to talk to Bob. The family was so happy to have Jerard and the twin brother in their lives. You can just see the happiness in their faces when seeing them. Hopefully they will recover soon with the loss of Jerard.

“To Beth, Kurt and the kids and Ruth (2nd mom to Jerard, she adores him too) our deepest condolences to you guys”.