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Thinking differently!!!

A few days ago I went to Nicole’s classmates house. I went there to ask some questions from the mother of her classmate. I guess one day last week Nicole had no class because the class coordinator had some meeting to attend to. He told his students that they can go to school the next day, just go to the other section and stay there for the class, but they’re not obliged to do it. Just a few students showed up at all. One of them was Nicole, our youngest daughter. Well, I guess instead of attending the class Nicole our daughter and her classmates decided that they would rather go to one of their classmates house, whose house was just walking distance from the school.

Nicole with DJ

Nicole with DJ

The problem on that situation. We have rules in the house that whenever the kids go somewhere they have to inform us where they will be going. That’s why everyone in the house has cell phone. If cell phone is dead, they can go to the office in school to call from their land line phone there to our phone in the house. Or use a pay phone. So Nicole had a problem, she went somewhere and she did not inform us. So a few days ago I went to the house where Nicole went. I want to know the parents of that kid and we want them knowing us too. Nicole can also invite classmates to our house sometimes, but we want the parents’ approval.

So when we went to the house (me, my niece and Nicole). I asked to see the mom of Nicole’s classmate. I guess she went somewhere and would be back in a short while, which she did after awhile. The person there at the house was the grandmother. I guess she usually takes care of the kids sometimes since they were living in the same house. She could tell on my face that I had some concerned. Just then the mom showed up. So I talked to the mom in-front of the grandmother. Honestly they’re nice people but we just had different views in life. When I told them about my concern for Nicole. My statement: “Just asking did Nicole come here a few days ago? My husband and I don’t have problem with our kids going to their classmates house, only thing they have to inform us and let us know where they’re going to and whose house and who are the people in the house? Also is it okay for the parents for them to be there?”. The reply of the grandmother to me – “it’s okay they came here no problem since its just a walking distance from school anyway. Also they’re just kids they want to hang out where they want to hang out.” I told her it’s not okay for us. Nicole has to inform us first before going anywhere. She has to follow what she was told.

The mom of Nicole’s classmate  told me that her daughter did the same thing. Went to her classmate without permission. She said they had to close their shop (store) to get their daughter. I told her the concern that she’s feeling when her daughter went without asking her, that’s how Bob & I felt. So I know she understood how Bob & I reacted. But I could tell that the grandmother thinks that I over reacted. I felt she thinks that I should let Nicole go somewhere without telling us since she’s just hanging out with her friends. I told her anything could happened on the way to there house. Nicole could have an accident while walking there. So many jeepneys passing by on the way to there house. I continue on telling her that Nicole is 10 years old. We will guide her and show her that being a concerned parent show her that we love her so much. To be honest Bob and I will continue what the rules we have here in the house.

I’ve seen parents here let their kids be out late at night during school days. Bob & I don’t want our kids (that goes to school) to be partying or hanging out with their friends during weekdays. Our students here at the house have a curfew. Our 2 teens (Aaron & Jean) now are allowed to hang out during night time with their friends during weekdays here at the house as long as they toned down their voices when our other kids (the students) are in bed.

Like Bob told me after talking what happened. We don’t give rules to other kids. But we let our kids know that we have rules to be followed here in the house. It’s just simple and easy. We let them go somewhere with their friends as long as we know where their going. Bob & I even encouraged them to bring their friends here at home. Sometimes they eat dinner here. No problem. We know the feeling, we’ve been students before too.

Anyway, Nicole knows now that she has to follow the rules and she learned her lesson. I think. :-) Hopefully she will not be influenced by her friends. We don’t want to be too strict too.

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Dear Feyma: My sister’s problem!

Dear Feyma, I saw your website recommended by my friend. I am writing to you maybe some Filipina went through what my sister gotten into her married life. She’s married to an American. When they were writing, the guy he is nice and getting along with my family. I am married to a guy from Europe. I am lucky to have married him. He is really a nice man. My sister on the other hand was just so unlucky in love.

Anyway, they were married in the Philippines. My family came from the Northern part of the Philippines. My family thought everything was okay with them. It looks that way anyway. My sister got her papers process after the wedding. Over a year after the wedding, she went to the States. My sister said the marriage was okay in the beginning. Few years after living together, she can see signs already of the husbands bad behavior. At first my sister stayed in the house, since they had no children yet, the husband said it was okay for my sister to go get a job. So my sister was happy since not much to do at their house. She works as a waitress in a small restaurant. I think after months of working, my brother-in-law didn’t like it that my sister was out of the house. So it didn’t take long my sister quit her job and stayed home again. Well, my brother-in-law when they had arguments starts hurting my sister. It really shocked my sister because she never thought he’s that type of a man. But he did. My sister just let go the first physical fight. But later on he started doing it more often, my sister finally said that enough is enough and move out and stayed with my cousin on the other State.

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

 

Feyma Bayoy Martin He tries to ask for forgiveness, but my sister, she’s not yet ready to be with him again. My family was not happy with the outcome with the marriage of my sister, but my parents supports my sister a hundred percent and they don’t want also my sister to be the punching bag of my brother-in-law. I know that there’s 2 sides to the story. But my sister has evidence that she’s been abuse and she sent it to my parents. So I don’t want to start a debate here. I just want to share with you what my sister been through. The husband had no power to have my sister deported since she’s already a resident of  America. We thank god for that. Maraming salamat Feyma for reading my email. Hanggang sa uulitin. Hannah.

Hi Hannah,

Thank you so much for writing. I’ve heard to many stories similar to what your sister been through. But not just Filipina to foreigner kinda marriage. It’s really a universal problem. Abusive people makes excuses to abuse somebody and blame the victims for their behavior. Like your sister, I bet you she’s the one blamed by your brother-in-law of his bad behavior. You know It’s been going on also with some members of my family and other people that I know. We really tried to help out the one in our family, we want her to leave her husband but unfortunately it never happened her leaving him. He left the wife for a year or so, and we the family were so happy, but he came back and beg for forgiveness and the wife give in. Same cycle again. We just give up and leave them alone. It’s been going on for so long that we just shrug it off. Nothing we can do about it anymore. Very frustrating.

I really hope Hannah that your sister will be safe and she will really decide what’s really best for her. You and your family can’t decide about that. Praying for peace of mind for her. Good luck to you and your family especially to your sister. God bless!

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Wheelchair access in the Philippines

I was just watching TV at our bedroom and in the show they had someone on a wheelchair.  So that really got me thinking of how the people here on a wheelchair go from their day to day lives. I mean not a lot of establishments here that were so accessible by them. I’ve seen lots of places that don’t have wheelchair access. Even trying to ride the public transportation would be so challenging for them. We don’t have public van that had easy entry for them. I guess unless the family will spend money to have custom made car. Going somewhere without help, it must be so difficult though. I mean going in and out of the jeepney with no help must be really hard. I know of course some passengers will help out. We as human being do our instinct to help. I guess that’s the best we can do.

Ramp - You won't see many of these in the Philippines

Ramp – You won’t see many of these in the Philippines

When my mom was confined on her wheelchair whenever we brought her somewhere, we had to bring one of our nephew or brother-in-law with us to carry her in and out of the taxi. Sometimes Bob would carry her in and out of our car. My mom likes to travel with us. She enjoys Bob’s driving. Ha ha ha. It was not easy for her being confined in the wheelchair, I’m sure it was not comfortable for her too. We brought her places for her not to be depressed on being inside the wheelchair. Sometimes when she stayed at my sister’s house and they’re bringing her to the mall, some taxi drivers were so nice and helpful in carrying her.

I’ve known friends here in the Philippines that use wheelchairs too. But one in particular. I’ve seen him going around the places with his wheelchair. He is not whining about being in it. Instead he is so active in helping out other less fortunate people here in the city. I’m so happy to know him. He is so busy with his speaking engagements here and other places in the country. People really get inspired by him for not dwelling on being in the wheelchair. I really applaud him for that.

handicappedLuckily now malls, hotels and condos are easily accessible by wheelchair already. I think the schools too. Not sure if all hotel bathrooms are accessible to wheelchair user. I guess if booking hotels try to ask them ahead of time and get the rooms that are wheelchair friendly. The good thing here if the person has money, he/she can just hire a private male nurse  to carry her/him in and out of the car. The going in and out of bed. Must hire 2 nurses for the 24 hour shift. But if the person has no money, I guess just ask the family for help. I’m pretty sure the family will help out.

Honestly I never thought the hardship of the handicap people endured before. But after seeing how the US cares and changed a lot of the building code for the handicapped people to have easy access, it really made me think a lot. I’m wishing and hoping that our government here have the funds to change a lot of the buildings to have ramps for the easy access of the handicapped. I mean I’m not saying for an instant or immediate change but slowly. I’ve seen there too when I went to the doctors office and all the names outside the rooms had braille writing for the blind people. They really show there how they care so much of the handicapped people. Just like the parking area of the handicapped there, they really made sure that its handicapped person that parks. Here we have handicapped parking but some people just don’t follow the rules and park illegally. They had also there that park illegally but the building owner immediately alert the car owner about it. If they don’t listen the building owner will call up the police.

Just a thought, I don’t mean to start a fire here.

Cheers Everyone!

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