I had an email from somebody and wanting some advice. I will not reveal who the person is. I know they read this site and get lots of info here.
Here’s the email:
“My son married a young lady from your country just two weeks after her arrival. I realize she hasn’t been in the States very long, but I’m wondering how long should it take for her to be happy here. She cries a lot and doesn’t seem very glad to be with my son. They are living with my ex-husband and he told me she Sleeps in a different bedroom. That is strange to me. She seems emotionless in all things except grieving over her family back home. Her mother has refused to talk to her which I’m sure has increased her guilt. My daughter in law talks to her sister and brother often but her mom will not. Maybe we should not have done this but we sent money to them in February to start a store in their home. As long as my daughter-in-law was there the store was doing great. Now 4 months after she came to the US the store isn’t doing well and they are pushing for money. $2300 was sent and my daughter-in-law sent me pictures of the renovation and products bought. She did an excellent job getting them started to be self sufficient. Anyway I’m not sure if my daughter-in-law’s guilt is hindering her relationship with my son or if she even likes him at all (from my observation). My daughter-in-law and I talked via email for a year before she came. My son had asked me to travel with him to meet her and her family. And I did. They were very gracious to us. Her mom was wanting my son to move there to the Philippines but his job is here in the US. My son and my daughter-in-law started going to a Phil-Am church in the area where my son lives. On Friday nights they have bible study but my son doesn’t go with her (which I feel he should go to support her) Do you think her family is trying to manipulate her for her to come back. They do tell her to come back all the time. Her mother tried to talk her out of coming over to the US this past year but she was determined to come only to be crying all the time.”
Firstly I do understand what homesickness felt like. I’ve been there and done that. I lived in the States for 10 long years and away with my family here in the Philippines. But I made a commitment goes with the sacrifices to be with my husband. Really when my homesickness strikes before, even late at night Bob and his parents helped me out in dealing with it. I was so happy, humbled and privileged by the commitment they showed me. Bob’s parents, they really open their house late at night for me to go there and just pour my heart out crying to them. They really listened and understood my feelings. They were there for me all the way. It was really difficult at first, but later on I tried to find ways to conquer my homesickness. I tried hanging out with new friends that had been in the States for a long time. Just at their houses for a few hours, just talking and cooking the food that we missed from here in the Philippines. It really helped out a lot. Don’t just sit at home and feeling sorry for yourself. As much as you can, try to learn how to drive immediately after arriving at the places of your husband.
Honestly reading and understanding the email, there is more to it than what the daughter-in-law was telling to the mother-in-law about. I’m pretty sure before she went to the States, her and her husband talked about her living in the States with him. I’m sure the husband told her that they had to live in the States since his job was there. How are they going to survived with their daily needs if none of them will work. It baffles me that the husband and wife are not staying in the room. Too many “why” in our minds right now.
That’s the reason why I wrote this article for you guys to help the lady out with the dilemma she had concerning her daughter-in-law. You guys are good in giving advice here. So here again another family problem that needs to have some solutions before they divorce or hurting each other physically and emotionally.
As always guys, thank you again for your advice and nice comment here.