Live in the Philippines

June 4, 2015 by feyma

Married At First Sight; TV show in the US!

We are watching a new show right now that got me intrigued. The name of the show is “Married At First Sight”. It is really an interesting show for us anyway. For me it’s kind of similar to the way we got married, but the good thing for ours, at least we did know the name of the person we are writing with. At that time no internet yet, at least we are writing letters a few times a month, some even for years. Now with the internet, meeting someone through chatting. Then email, then talk through skype or any other kind of social media communication, then meet up in person later, then it develops from there.

Well, on the TV show (Married at first sight), the couple will not know the name or see the person they’re about to marry. It’s really like a blind date (I mean blind marriage. Lol). You will meet the person you’re about to marry at the wedding ceremony. The family of the bride-to be will meet the groom first while the groom waits for his bride in the altar. The anticipation is a killer. Even us watching we are also a bit tense waiting for the couple if they will be liking each other seeing one another for the first time. Really it’s kind of intense.

On the show they had 3 couples who were selected by the experts of psychologist, sexologist, spiritual adviser and a sociologist. Those participants had to undergo a lot of questions and answers, one on one interview, and also a home visit from the expert to check the house. Bob and I, we’ve been shocked that the expert that will visit the house she really checked out inside the closets and also what’s inside the refrigerator. Wow, that’s really thorough checking. LOL. I guess to sign up for that show you have to clean up every corner of your house. Ha ha ha, they will find out later if the person is messy anyway.

We just got done watching the first season. First they had to be married for 5 weeks. Then the experts will question the couple if they still want to be married or get divorced after 5 weeks. Then the couple will be filmed for 6 moths of how they lived their lives. Then the one year anniversary of wedding. Out of the 3 matched couple, 2 were successful so far. The one that was divorced, it’s a bit shocking to see them go their separate ways, because they’re the one that were so at ease with each other after seeing for the first time and during the first few days. Just watching the couple, they seem like they hit it off. It just sad that it didn’t work out good for them.

For one of the couples, the bride was just crying because she’s just not attracted with her groom. But she married her anyway, her family told her to give it some time. She’s lucky to have that guy, because he has been patient with her. The bride really had problems growing up. It’s not small stuff. The groom was just there to help her and try to encourage her to do what she felt like doing in her own time. They stayed together after 5 weeks. Then she feel in love with her husband. Then during 6 months to 1 year, she’s even talking about having babies with her hubby. The husband, he is just not ready that time.

The other couple they’re also good. They hit it off good. You can see the attraction between the 2 of them by just watching them. It’s just sad that the family of the bride didn’t accept that kind of marriage so they did not attend the wedding. The mom of the groom did not attend the wedding either. Her reasoned was valid though, she was in chemo during the time of the wedding. She’s just too weak to attend. Few weeks after the wedding the mom of the groom died.

Honestly, I’m hoping for the success of each of the marriages on that show. It would be a good story to tell to their kids, grand-kids and to their offspring later. For me in every relationship both parties has to work hard on nurturing it. We’ve known people that married their childhood sweetheart but later they still get separated/divorced. Some people married and they’ve known each other for ages and still go their separate ways. I’ve known a few in our neighboring town, the husband and wife were arranged by their parents to be married, they just met in the church during the wedding and almost 40 years later they’re still together.

If you’ve seen the show, let me know what you think? For those that didn’t see the show, try to see it. Feel free to drop a note here.

A few good quotes that I saw on the net:

“Make your marriage Your Own. Don’t look at other marriages and wish you had something else. WORK to shape your marriage so that it is satisfying for both of you.”

“Don’t worry when I fight with you, worry when I stop because it means there’s nothing for us left to fight for.”

MABUHAY!!!

May 21, 2015 by feyma

Dear Feyma: Needs advice on cheating husband!

Dear Feyma - Got a Problem? Ask Feyma! — Dear Feyma – Got a Problem? Ask Feyma!

Hi readers I got this email from a reader on my other blog. She emailed me privately and asking some advice for her niece’s problem. To be honest I just don’t know what to tell her. I am asking you guys’ advice on what to tell her. I’ve seen and heard too many stories of cheating spouses. I want you guys’ input to what I should advise and tell this lady on what to do. Some of the words in the emails were written in Tagalog. I tried to interpret in English as good and as accurate as possible.

Dear Feyma, I’m a reader of some of your blog. You don’t know me. But I will introduce my self. My name is Mindy. My family lives in Northern Luzon. I am an OFW in Kuwait. I am writing and needing advice for my niece. She lives there in the Philippines. She has been married to her husband for over 5 years now. They had a baby last year. Her husband is a seaman. He travels abroad, works on a ship.

My niece was shocked when her husband came home last March 2015. He didn’t give any money to my niece. He told my niece that he wants to separate. My niece asked him to just stay for their daughter’s sake. The husband don’t want to be married anymore. My niece told me that when her husband started going abroad his family said bad things about my niece. Her husband got help in going abroad financially from the parents of my niece. When my niece give birth to her baby the Papa & Mama of my niece paid the hospital and other bills, until now the husband did not pay them. After the husband went abroad many times, they bought house and car. My niece wants to sell the house and car and all the other properties now that he wants to separate. The husband told my niece that she won’t get anything. He even get all the jewelries and electronics gadgets that he gave to my niece.

It turns out now that the husband is having a relationship with the working student that was helping my niece while she was pregnant. That working student was sent by the parents of the husband. My niece found out the relationship when she accidentally open the private email of the husband because they share a laptop. The husband forget to log out. My niece saw all the emails. He denied but my niece showed him the email. He still denies. The husband abandoned the baby now.

My niece was just so shocked that she doesn’t know what to do. What should my niece do? Salamat sa payo (advice). I will just wait for your reply. Sincerely, Mindy.

Honestly I’ve been hearing too many stories like this. It even happened to our neighbor before it’s the lady that works abroad, similar situation the lady went abroad to work in the Middle East. When she gets home the husband already had someone on the side, so they separate went back abroad and later the lady end up marrying an OFW that she met there in the Middle East. Others too, the lady who works abroad found someone there (abroad) and later the lady will separate to the husband here and she moves in later to her lover abroad.

Too many stories that probably you hear or it happens to someone you know. I want to hear what would you guys advice if it happens to someone you know? I will pass you guys message to Mindy.

I really appreciate any advice given to Mindy or to those readers that were just shy to share here.

April 16, 2015 by feyma

Would you buy?

I was just walking at the downtown area just here in the city with my son, Jared too. We saw a kid (might be around 11-13 years old) coming towards us, as soon as he was a few feet from us. He opened his hands, inside his hand was a small box. I think he was really offering it for me thinking I’m the one that would pay if ever. When he opened the box it shows a gold chain with pendant in it. It looks real. He was offering for me to buy the jewelry. I turned around and told him I’m not interested. I think he was shocked that I didn’t even try to see the jewelry and also I refused to buy the item. Immediately played in my head where did this kid get this nice piece of jewelry and offering around. Of course it went through my mind that, that piece of jewelry could be stolen, snatched or taken from the jewelry store. I don’t really know. Everything was just playing my head.

Just then a lady was looking at the kid and she seems interested. As soon as she got out from the bank the kid offered it to her. She was checking it and brought the kid to her car. She also had 3 other ladies inside the car and they were really checking the item. I think the first lady were negotiating with the kid. I just didn’t bother to checked them out. To be honest that really shocked me that she’s thinking of buying the item.

Street Vendors are common in the Philippines

While those people negotiating with the kid. I asked my son, Jared if he will buy any kind of items offered to him like that. He said immediately “No Way, I’m not buying anything like that, I’m not sure where those items comes from. It could be stolen or being snatched from somebody else. I don’t want to be involved with that kind of stuff”. Wow, that answers from my kid really made me happy.

That incident reminds me of what I witnessed in Manila almost a decade ago. I went there for a business. My friends brother (Jun) was my tour guide. He was taking me to the place for my meeting and other areas there that I needed to shop. Somewhere in Greenhills we were waiting for the stop light. Jun reminded me to be very careful with my purse and my cell phone. He told me to hugged tight my purse and put my cell phone away inside the secret pocket in my purse. Which I obliged. He knows Manila than I do. While waiting a teenager approached us and offered a cell phone. I didn’t even pay attention that much to the kid, plus I don’t intend to buy cell phone on the street. I guess Jun was asked by these kind of people a thousand times while his traveling the city. Just for me to see, and to proved to me why he said to be careful and pay attention. He asked the kid: Where’s the cell phone that that person was talking about? The teen’s lips pointed to the person just a few feet away from us. He said that cell phone. It was the newest phone model at that time. I guess what the kid would do, if we said yes he will snatched the cell phone and sell that to us. My mouthed just went wide open and my eyeballs just about to pop out hearing the kid. I said “What?”. I was gonna say some bad words. Jun knows that I’m like his sister will say what’s in our mind. He pinched my arm and his making a gesture for me to shut up. Which I did. Jun was scared those people might hurt us if ever I said too much.

Jun then turned towards me and said see what the snatcher will do here. That’s why you have to be very careful here. Just then I was thinking, why would people buy such items if offered to them that you know that those people took it from somebody else for you to have them? Are you not feeling guilty about it?

Anyway, just some thoughts. I know too that those kid will do anything out of desperation. Especially if living with irresponsible parents or other family members. Felt sorry for the kids, they were manipulated and used. Some are being force to do for them to have a better life and to have lots of stuff. Really as the saying goes in America “Just to keep up with the JONES or in the Philippines to keep up with the AYALA’S “.

Cheers!!!

March 26, 2015 by feyma

Death: A subject that’s mostly avoided in the household!

I was just browsing the news here in the Philippines. I came across a story of a former actress that died due to cancer. Her hubby was interviewed and he really said that he is lost now after losing his wife. They’ve been married for more than 3 decades now. By the way, they got married at a very young age. So really, as if they both grow up and matured together. That’s the reason why they’re had a very close relationship.

It really got me thinking because she died still a fairly young age. When the husband said that “he is lost without her”. I can’t blame him for saying that statement. When we first came here to lived, I can really see Bob will say that similar lines, because I know that Bob will have a hard time surviving without me. I’m not exaggerating it but that’s just the truth with us. Bob would really get lost if I went ahead of him. Even my immediate family or his immediate family will say that too. They know because if I was out of the house for a few hours Bob will be antsy. I’m not sure if part of the reason because we never been apart for a long time (days) in the States before. He is used to having me at the house all the time. He works at home pretty much since the early years of our marriage. I’m happy to say that he is getting better about it now. For the past few years now he is good already.

Bob and Feyma at Lemlunay Resort in Sarangani

When I first arrived in the US, Bob and I really talked about death. At first it caught me off guard. When he explained to me that we have to talk about it since all my family lives far away from us. He has to know what do I want if something happened to me there. Do I want my body be shipped here or be buried there? I told him not to spend the money on sending my body here, I want to be buried there since at that time we’re living there. When we first moved here, that’s one of the things we talked about too. I asked him the same questions if something happened to him does he wants his body be shipped there, he said no need, he wants to be buried here. Our kids know that too.

Me and my friends were together for our summer party there. We talked about that similar subject. Some had the same reaction (the newbie there) as I had before, mostly that were already there for a long time were so open about talking about the topic. But it got all of us friends to open our minds when one of our friend died, she was hit by a car and died instantly. She lives just a few blocks away from us. Her son stayed at our house almost everyday to play with Chris. Luckily she already had a Will made. Everything went smoothly after she passed. She states in her Will that she wants to be cremated. It goes on the will that she wants her ashes be distributed in her property in Luzon, if I remember. Her husband and her son came to the Philippines to do what she said. Bob and I were lucky enough to be visited by her son when they came here.

Honestly, us that have kids we really had to talk and have a “Will” made by the lawyer. Really at the early age we should have it done. I think with the internet nowadays people are already open about death. It’s not taboo to talk about death anymore.

For you expats here in the Philippines, if something happen to you are you wanting to ship your body to the place you’re from? Or do you just want to be buried here? Is it important to you to be brought back to your birthplace? Feel free to say what you think.

Cheers!

March 19, 2015 by feyma

Happiness & sadness!

When you’re reading this post my son Aaron is on his way traveling to the USA. He started his journey last night (Wednesday). He left Davao at 10:15 pm, and arrived in Manila at a little after midnight. He will be in Manila for a few hours, then he will be starting his journey to the USA today Thursday (today) here in the Philippines. He will be arriving in Portland, Oregon (Thursday there in that part of the world) almost 24 hours after he left Manila .

This trip, it all started almost 2 years ago. My mother-in-law got seriously ill. Aaron at that time was just a few months shy of his high school graduation. Part of his high school graduation gift, Bob and I decided on sending him to the USA to see his grandma and bond with her. When we talked to Aaron about our plan, we got a big “NO” from him. So Bob and I didn’t push him, we just dropped the subject, sort of mentioning once in awile. 6 months after, Aaron decided that he was ready. He told us that he wanted to visit his granny by June. He was just few months shy of his 17th birthday. So we gathered lots of his papers for the travel plan. We found out that there was so much stuff to do for him since he will be traveling alone and underage. When we went to some Philippine government agency for some paper work, Aaron got frustrated. As usual everything was so slow. Just to get something you will be standing in line for literary hours at a time.

The many faces of Aaron Martin

He told us then that he wants to wait to travel after his 18th birthday. Less hassles. So after his 18th birthday, we then started gathering his papers. We went to Manila for his passport renewal from the US embassy. Apply some local paper work. Finally it was finished a few weeks ago. So we started looking for cheap tickets. We also thought that he will be traveling around the month of April or May. The tickets for April and May were much more expensive. When we tried to get good tickets, this week is really the best price ticket to travel already. Bob saw a cheap ticket a week or so ago. We thought that it will still be okay to wait. When we tried to book, it’s already full. Luckily we got another cheaper ticket. We got him a round trip ticket. He will be there for a little over 7 months. If he wants to extend he will try to re-book the ticket again for later return, which will incur a fee of course. I’m sure we will pay some for that.

He is really excited to go and see his Granny. It’s been a few years since he last saw her. They already made plans on what to do there. They will be seeing Bob’s extended family there from different States. This will be a good memory maker for both of them to last Aaron a lifetime. We know he will be okay there. This is Aaron’s first time ever being away from us for a long time. It will be hard for all of us here at the house and him too. But it will be good for him to experience and start a new life away from us. I’m not worried about it because he is in good hands with his Granny being there for him. Thank you Mother for taking Aaron and loving him. Bob and I really appreciate that very much.

To you my dear Aaron: Enjoy your stay with your Granny. Have fun exploring the land that you were born and grow up with until the time we left. Enjoy bonding with your cousins and family there. Don’t forget to see the people that we used to hangout with there before. We love you so much son. It’s going to be hard on all of us but we are so happy for you at the same time. Tears are flowing already from me hon while writing this post. I love you forever and beyond.

Message from Dad: Aaron, have a wonderful trip! This will be a big learning experience for you. The learning will start right away as you embark on your first time traveling alone, and it will continue as you get reintroduced to the land of your birth. I am sad to see you leaving, but I am also happy that you will go back to the USA and experience life there. I am happy that you can have some time to re-connect with my culture and with my side of the family. You are a good kid, and I love you dearly, son! Bon voyage!