Dear Feyma: Feeling sorry!

January 8, 2015 by feyma

Dear Feyma: Feeling sorry!

Today, I have another installment in my “Dear Feyma” series which I have been featuring on this site for some time, whenever I have a question from a reader that I feel should be shared with the site readers.

“Dear Feyma, I am Filipina who works in Kuwait for a long time. I came home in the Philippines for 3 months now. I am not sure if I will go back soon. I am thinking of taking care of my 2 kids and want to start a business here. I saved some money for our future. I will help my husband on our small farm.

By the way, I am not writing regarding my problem. I want to share with you of how stupid or no nothing at all (walang kaalam-alam in Tagalog), I saw on TV, they said naive. I saw that you wrote about “A Friendly Advice“. I don’t comment, I’m just an avid reader of your blog. Keep up of what your doing.

The young girl, our neighbor she’s like 20 years old, having a relationship with foreigner. For me, okay lang. I am bothered when the lady takes all the money of the foreigner and spends it for partying and clothes. The foreigner told one of the family member that he don’t have much money, but the lady don’t listen, she continue her partying. Being young so she party and spend the money with not important things.

I read I think from your blog a long time already about foreigners problems with girlfriends here in Pinas? You know, if they know already problems like that happened before why they still give money to the girl?

I hope that foreigners open their eyes. Thank you for reading my email… Maraming Salamat, Elly“

Dear Feyma…

Thank you for writing Elly. To be honest, what you’ve described on your email keeps happening. The problem, the foreigners, no matter how good any blogs in the world were written about be very careful not to be scammed. Some foreigners will never listen, some won’t. We’ve been advising people that emailed and asked us and we even made lots of posts regarding that same topics. They will do what they thought was best for them. Later we found out that they’ve lost almost all their money. Really the best thing for those people would be for them to learn their lesson the hard way. It might be harsh for me to say this. Let them lose all what they have for them to learn. You know what I mean?

Hey, we’ve been advising certain foreigners that we cared about. It’s just a waste, they will say what the lady did to us and at the end he was against us because we said what we think. So for you Elly, if the foreigner wants an advice from you, try not to say anything to him at the end he might blame you because of the advice you gave him. Been there, done that. Been burnt. Not again…

That’s another cycle for the foreigner that’s hard to break. I just hope to some foreigners that they will just accept the loss and move on. Don’t be drinking and be violent here. Being in jail is the last thing a foreigner wants here. I’ve seen the jailhouse in the Philippines: Ain’t pretty you guys.

Thank you again Elly for the email. You open my Dear Feyma again. I appreciate your courage to write. If you ever travel to Kuwait again, have a safe trip there. Good luck to you!

Have a blessed 2015 Everyone!!!

December 24, 2014 by feyma

Going around different places in Mindanao with Santa!

I think everyone knows here already that Bob took a job from a cellphone company here to be a Santa for a few days from late November until mid December. That’s the reason why we celebrated our Thanksgiving earlier than it should be. The day that we usually celebrates, Bob was already on his first day of being a Santa. So we had to move our celebration ahead of time.

Bob went with his team for the first day of his job. The team leader told Bob that he could bring somebody from the house with him if he wants to. So the second day, Jean went with Bob and the team. Jean was really helpful. She helped Bob with the costume and helping taking lots of pictures. So important for the company to have lots of pictures. I could see that Bob really had fun talking to the kids and even with the adults. I went with him and his team to the out of town tours in General Santos, Koronodal and Kidapawan. Some days our daughter Jean went with Bob too in going to the malls here in the city and out of town. Jean went to Cotabato City and Kidapawan in addition to many malls in Davao City.

Jean posing with “Santa Dad” and “Santa’s Girl” (Merry Cris) in Kidapawan City

It was fun going and helping Bob. I went twice with him to GenSan. The first one there, we didn’t stay overnight. We came back the same day and it was exhausting, but watching Bob with kids, I think his exhaustion just fade away when he saw the smile of the kids and the parents. He really is good with talking to the kids and he would not leave the kids until all of them finished up taking pictures with him. Amazingly some people they want to take plenty of pictures with Santa. Some kids were happy to see Santa, some were just petrified seeing Santa. You could see some kids were just in horror when Santa held out his hand to pick them up.

My second trip to GenSan with the team and we went to other areas near there. On that trip we stayed overnight. You know, you could see that for some of the kids it was their first time seeing Santa. Honestly some of them they just don’t know how to react. They didn’t know if they would be scared or happy seeing someone in a costume. It really fascinates me watching them. In other areas, we saw a mother and a kid both were terrified seeing Santa. We could tell they were from the mountain. They went to that mall to shop, then on the front door here comes Santa and his helper giving away something. We could see the fear in their eyes. Luckily Santa’s helper know how to distract their fears by giving something right away.

Feyma with Santa’s Crew in Kidapawan City

Santa with his Special Child friend

In one of the malls (in Koronodal City) we saw a special child. Bob really got him and he had lots of picture with that young man. I think the parents think that we might not want their kid because he’s different. They were shocked that we asked them if it’s okay to give something to their kid and have pictures. They were really happy that we took the time to show we care to their son. We told them that we also have a child that has special needs. They ‘re just so happy that we understood their child.

The Lady who really wanted a picture with Santa

Towards at the end of Bob’s job, a lady made a request from me that if she could have photo with Santa. Problem she doesn’t have camera. I told her it’s okay, I will have her picture taken and I will send the photo to the cellphone company there in her area that Bob was hired and she will just pick it up there. She hardly goes there but I told her I will have someone I know give to the store and make sure she will have it. She really told me that she really wants the photo with Santa to show to her neighborhood that she saw the real Santa. Real Santa because Bob is a foreigner. My heart really goes out to her.

Anyway, I could go on and on about our trips. It was really fun and amazingly good seeing so many kids and adults loves to have pictures taken with Santa. To see more photos go to Santa in the Philippines.

Have a Happy Holiday Everyone. Have a Prosperous year ahead!!!

December 18, 2014 by feyma

Banking days during the holiday season through early next year!

Well, Christmas is just around the corner. Just got done helping Bob with his gig as the Santa for one of the companies here in the Philippines. Now, we are getting so busy with our other on-line businesses, which means we are needing cash for every time we go to buy what we need for the orders. So it means to say also that I had to go make a trip to the bank or ATM (automated teller machine) here. We do have local and international cards.

I just saw someone posting something on Facebook about the banking days here in the Philippines during the holidays. Looking at it, it didn’t look good though. For us anyway who depend on our income through the ATM. From December 23 to January 4, theirs just 1 day that the banks will be open. The rest of the days were weekends and paid holidays that were declared by the government. My gosh for us people that live through ATM it will be a problem. They might not (likely they won’t) put enough money in the ATM machine, or keep it refilled during the holidays. I’ve seen too many people in line for it. During the holidays I’m pretty sure nobody will fill the machine again.

Just last week the ATM machine that I go to most of the time didn’t refill the machine over the weekend when they were out of money. I went Monday early morning. When I got there, the guard said that they might fill the machine at 9 am that day. So I went again at 9 am, as soon as I got there the guard informed me again that they’re still working in the machine and they also had the thorough check of the machine and it might be ready that afternoon. So instead of going back that afternoon, I went the following day instead, the machine was working but the guard informed me that all through the week the bank will continue on on checking thoroughly with the machine (maintenance time). So they said they might have the machine be out of service anytime too. Which means it’s a bit hassle going through and looking for another ATM. I just can’t believe that they are thoroughly checking and repairing the machine this time of the year and it’s busy time for their machine. Too many people withdrawing money. I’ve seen other foreign nationals withdrawing money there and they will be in the machine for awhile stocking up. Just in my opinion they should do the maintenance around October or early November. Just a thought anyway.

With in this week expect long lines on the atm or the bank. Have you seen the off days of the bank after the 23rd of December?

Here’s what I know so far:

December 24, 2014, Wednesday – Additional Special Non-Working Holiday, bank closed

December 25, 2014, Thursday – Christmas Day – Regular Holiday, bank closed

December 26, 2014, Friday – Additional Special Non-working Holiday, bank closed

December 27, 2014 – Weekend, bank closed

December 28, 2014 – Weekend, bank closed

December 29, 2014 – Only day banks open

December 30, 2014 – Rizal Day – Regular Holiday, bank closed

December 31, 2014, Wednesday – New Year’s Eve (Special Non-Working Day), bank closed

January 1, 2015, Thursday – New Year’s Day, bank closed

January 2, 2015, Friday – Additional special non-working day (Special non-working day)

January 3, 2015 – Weekend, Bank closed

January 4, 2015, Weekend, bank closed

January 5, 2015, Bank and school resumes for the year 2015

What does this mean?

For a period just one day shy of 2 weeks, the banks will be opened only 1 day, all of the other days the banks will be closed.

So for all of you that live through ATM, better stock up on cash before the bank and ATM close down and run out of money. The machine might not be filled up until next year. I might see you guys at one of the machine. LOL

Keep in mind also that while this article focuses on ATM and Bank closures, it is likely that many other types of businesses will be closed many (or all) of the days listed as well. Malls will be open most of those days (many malls in the Philippines are even open on Christmas day, starting at Noon), but smaller businesses are likely to be closed. Be prepared!

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Everyone!

December 11, 2014 by feyma

A friendly advice!

I was just remembering a friend that died a few years ago now. He was dear to me and Bob because his half brother really is so close and the best friend of Bob here, that they treat each other like true brothers. He is so close that I felt that I had 2 husbands. LOL. The kids were also so close to him.

Well, the half brother he’s a half Filipino and half American, his name was Omar. He was born and grew up in the States. Never been to the Philippines. He was just not interested to visit nor live here. But when the really best friend of Bob moved here, the half brother then decided to pay a visit to the home place of his mom. At that time when he came for a visit to his half brother he was like 19 or 20. The half brother that’s the best friend of Bob, he’s like 52 or 53 at that time.

He decided to continue his studies for college here. I accompanied him to check out some colleges around here. He then decided to study in Ateneo de Davao University. I can’t remember the course he was gonna take up. Anyway, I’m really like a mom to him. He always hangs out at our house or he goes out with us every time Bob and I and his brother will go somewhere. Really whenever he goes alone he’s always calling me and let me talk to the people that he is dealing with or either he is buying from or asking questions. In short people don’t really get when he’s talking. They think he’s accent is a bit too much for them. So I’m the life line or the call a friend kind of thing. LOL.

Is a wedding on the way?

Weeks after he arrives here, we were asking him if he could see himself marrying a Filipina later? He quickly replied to me “Nah, I’m not really into dark hair ladies, I want to marry a blond lady” we were bursting into laughter. He was so strong into marrying blond ladies. So I dare him, I told to him that we will make a bet for Php 100,000 that he will be married to a Filipina lady by the end of that year. I said to him “If you’re not married to a Pinay by the end of the year then you will get the hundred thousand pesos”. He came like April or May of that year. So he agreed, we had a handshake in-front of his half brother and Bob. He thought he can really hold himself and he thinks he’s so strong of his desire to be marrying a blond lady. Well, let me tell you just less than a month of our handshake, he went to visit the birthplace of his mom. My goodness just few days there, he was already calling and texting me “Feyma I’m in love with a very beautiful girl”. I teased him I said is she blond? He told me hell no. We were laughing. He came back to Davao and my goodness all he ever talked about was about that girl.

Omar – RIP

So I told him, I think I’m going to be a hundred thousand pesos richer pretty soon here. Few weeks after his visit to his mom’s hometown, his parents sends money for him to come home to America because the girl he was in love with was a distant relatives of the mom. The mom and the parents of the girl was just against the relationship. So he went back to the States and joined the army then. He served for I think 2 years and got injured while serving. He died later of a motorcycle accident in his hometown. To you my friend, thank you for serving and I missed your laughter. So long!

I was just making an example of my friend. Too many expats I’ve met through the years that say they would not get involved right away here with a woman. They came here a single man hoping to have a good retirement and meet a woman later. They will be telling me that oh, “ladies will be far from my mind at the moment”. Then few weeks of being here we found out they got involved with a lady already. Ladies already moving in to the expat’s house. To be honest you can’t blame the lady too. She wants to better her life too. Knowing the expats will give her the security. She did not put gun on the head of the expat. It’s the expats choice. I just hope that its the right head that will think for the expat. It happens a lot most of their savings were wipe out in the short time being with the lady. I mean less that 2 months more than half a million pesos were wipe out from the guy. It’s a concerned to me sometimes, especially if the person that was con was a true friend of ours. It bothers me. But what can we do the guy was so in love with the girl. I hope the girl was also madly in love with the guy. I guess the saying applies to most of these expats “love is blind”. Lucky for other expats that I know, they had money, even they were con to many times they survived because they had so much money saved before coming here. But for others its really unfortunate.

I will just say good luck to those expats that would allow and continued themselves to be conned.

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

December 4, 2014 by feyma

Are you willing to compromise?

I am writing and asking you guys that live in a house with multi-culture environment, are both partners willing to give and take or learn from each other? I am going to give more about Bob and I as an example. When Bob and I were writing to each other, before we were married, I was so shy and naive. Hey I was young, a few months shy of graduating college. I was brought up with conservative parents in a more old fashion way. Bob, on the other hand was brought up conservative way but was brought up that he can and will say what he thinks. In short not shy at all.

Well anyway, after few months after we were married I went to the States. Being there changed everything. Bob showed and taught me how to live the life there. It didn’t take long for me to learn his side of the culture. I mean not all, I’m still learning more and more everyday even now. When I went to the States I don’t know how to cook. Being the youngest of 10 siblings (7 are alive right now) and with so many cousins and with my aunt that spoiled me. They did almost all the cooking. So I don’t really know how to cook Filipino dishes. I don’t think it’s laziness because I really like to help out in the kitchen before. I think it was just too many kids in the kitchen and it just a bother to the older one that’s cooking.

Martin Family – Thanksgiving 2014

So living with Bob in the US, he did most of the cooking I mean 80% I think. I am just a good helper, I will helped out on the cleaning afterwards. Then whenever my mother-in-law cooks for the special occasions, same thing I will help a little on the cooking but helped out most on the cleaning afterwards. I could not even cook macaroni and cheese in the US even if the instruction were in the box. I know it’s kind of pathetic don’t you think? But that’s just the way it was for us. Bob really had patience on that. Hats off to him on that. He even cooked Filipino dishes there. Bob was also learning and still learning more of my culture. Same with me I did learned the American culture and knowing his family and still doing it.

But when moving here it changes everything then. Watching Bob sweat to high heaven when cooking, I was thinking I had to do something. I felt sorry watching him sweat so much. So I really learned and studied on how to cook American dishes that he is used to when we were in the States. Guess what? I learned and cooked until now. Now Bob and the kids are kind of spoiled though. They will tell me and my niece what they like and we usually cook it for them. Jean is good now in cooking foreign dishes too. Really all of us are learning. Living back here for a long time now taught Bob more of the Filipino culture. He learned how to speak the local language. It shows that he really tried his best to fit in here. I’m really so proud of him for that.

Anyway, I think being married no matter if its the same race you had to adjust with the other person in your life. How much more if two cultures blend into one. With two culture you have to work double hard, or more. Are you willing to adjust and compromise with the other person in your life? With Bob and I, no questions asked. We did and we did compromise and are still doing it until the end. With us, lots of things we both decide, minor stuff one of us will decide. We’re almost on our 25th year of marriage and let me tell you it’s not an easy ride. Rough rides along the way. Good and bad through the years. But we talk, we understand and we compromise. Love and trust should be there always.

Really all married people or lovers or boyfriend/girlfriend, both partners should really learn from each other. It’s not just one partner will do all the adjusting and the understanding. It should go both ways. I can say more but I would like to hear from you guys. Feel free to share your thoughts.

Have a good Holiday Season!

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